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The “Nice” Hitmen: Movies’ 6 Deadliest Cuddly Hitmen

Posted on August 10, 2018 Written by Pinar Tarhan

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As readers and writers, we’re drawn to grey characters. We can’t help it. And what’s greyer and more complicated than a hit man with a romantic side, conscience and/or high moral standards?

Sure, killing is bad. Killing isn’t a choice we can approve in real life.

That said, we don’t exactly love watching accountants (though The Accountant is a fun movie about a highly atypical accountant), angelic social workers, or extremely ethical and by-the-book lawyers on screen.

We want characters that can kick ass, draw blood and inflict pain on those who deserve it. We also want them to have a side that knows to protect the innocent.

Now, the movies  I’ve picked are mainly from the 90s or more recent. Don’t hesitate to add your favorites in the comments, from whatever era they might be. I’d love to check those movies out.

But here’re some of the first hitmen I and some of my dear friends love and remember.

  • Léon starring Jean Reno (1994)
Image via ebay.

Ah, the first gentle hitman most of my generation has been exposed to. A middle-aged contract killer saves a girl whose family is killed, and he goes on to protect and mentor her. Of course of all the relationships here, the one between Léon and his young friend (12-year-old friend, to be exact) is the most ambiguous and controversial.

Was it a father/daughter thing? Was it romantic? It kind of looked that way to some extent.

But either way, Léon keeps her alive. I need to rewatch this as it has been awhile. Oh, and Gary Oldman is the baddie.

 

  • Assassins starring Sylvester Stallone (1995)
Image via timelessmoviemagic.com.

The 90s is the era where a lot of my favorite movies come from. A lot of entertaining and dearly rewatchable movies came out of that decade. Assasins is one of my favorite action films to revisit.

First, the casting is awesome and weird:

Sylvester Stallone as the “cuddly” hitman, a gorgeous but wacky Antonio Banderas as the “villain” hitman, and Julianne Moore as an introverted, cat-loving and smart hacker. But it somehow works in that 90s way.

Stallone’s character deserves to be here because he has a strong sense of morality: He doesn’t kill the innocent (which unsurprisingly doesn’t include other hitmen who might or might not be his friends).

Banderas’ character will kill anything and anyone if it means he’ll get paid or even pleasure and convenience. And boy, does he love to kill.

So when Stallone fails to kill Moore and chooses to protect her instead, a stubborn Banderas is sent after to finish the job. Moore and Stallone become partners in crime (in getting the killers off their back, not killing), while also liking each other. And really, if you’re a cyber-criminal who doesn’t like most people, an almost-retired hitman who has a romantic side does sound eligible. Oh, and he likes cats!

 

  • Grosse Pointe Blank starring John Cusack (1997)  

 

Image via discogs.

John Cusack plays a hilariously neurotic hitman with issues. The pace (and the comedy) picks up when he needs to go to his high school reunion and kind of falls for an old classmate in the process. There’ll be a lot of shooting and blood before this guy can find his happily-ever-after.

 

  • John Wick starring Keanu Reeves  (2014)
Image via John Wick Wiki.

I’d argue John Wick is the most realistic action film here. Our hero sure does kick too much ass, and we need to suspend some disbelief, but at least he runs out of bullets and gets hurt and stuff.

But the style, pace, and fight choreography make John Wicirresistibletable addition to the genre. The character seems tailor-made for Keanu Reeves: silent, reserved, and smooth; deadly only when disturbed.

John Wick is the perfect romantic hero too: he is a bad-boy-turned-good when he falls in love and leaves the business of killing. (I didn’t see anything bad besides the job, but come on, having been a hitman for the mob is surely enough to label him bad). And he doesn’t want to return. He grieves quietly for his deceased wife with the adorable dog she gifted him and gets the adrenaline pumping by driving his beloved car.

But when his former boss’s clueless, entitled, and stupid excuse for a son kills his dog, beats him up, and steals his car, he is understandably mad and decides to kill him. It’s not his fault the boss decides to send an army after him and increases collateral damage.

But can we get behind a gorgeous, charismatic and kickass retired killer who is avenging the memory of his wife and getting rid of the world of some very bad people in the process? Absolutely.

 

  • Shoot ‘em Up starring Clive Owen (2007)
Image via FilmAffinity.

This is the funniest film on the list and also has the best soundtrack. It might be the most entertaining too. Anyway, my judgment is a bit biased. I love a good mindless entertainment flick. I also love rock music, Clive Owen, and Paul Giamatti. So… The movie might change how you feel about carrots, though. You’ve been warned.

So we have a homeless-looking, carrot-eating and very competent killer who happens to help a woman give birth. When the mother is killed, he saves the baby and just tries to survive with the baby through the whole movie. At some point, he needs the assistance of former flame/prostitute ……. who provides some motherly love for the little one, and a totally different kind of loving to our sexy hitman. 

 

  • Crying Freeman starring Mark Dacascos (1995)
Image via Tmdb.

Frankly, I don’t like Crying Freeman as much as the others, but it has its own appeal. It’s based on a comic book, and the movie goes by comic book logic and physics, which is what makes this flick fun. If you don’t take anything seriously, you’ll probably have a better time.

But the hitman is gorgeous, and when he “confronts” his supposed victim/murder witness, she’s in her bathrobe and in her bedroom. She was quite taken by him, having already painted an impressive and sizable portrait of the killer. Now, I should mention that she’s not exactly the most rational and life-loving person on the planet, having lost her parents to another hitman and blamed it on herself for about two decades.

So her reaction to about to be killed by this guy is lying on the bed and closing her eyes. His reaction to this is taking his clothes off and getting on the bed with her, and then well…you know.

Of course, he has to do some naked killing after their hot session, but it all comes with the territory. But at least these killers had the decent timing of coming after they had sex, so they didn’t give our hitman, called Crying Freeman, the chance to prove he could kill people while he’s giving his object of lust/love an orgasm. (Yes, I’m referring to the Shoot ‘em Up scene between Clive Owen and Monica Belluci.)

*

There should be a sexy and conscionable contract killers list for female characters, but honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone besides Nikita. And I’m more familiar with the TV series where she wasn’t exactly a contract killer.

So please do mention your favorite female killers that fit the context. Who are your favorite deadly but cuddly hitmen?

 

 

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Filed Under: Movies and Actors Tagged With: assassins, Clive Owen, crying freeman, grosse pointe black, Jean Reno, john cusack, john wick, Keanu Reeves, Leon, mark dacascos, movies with hitmen, Shoot 'em up, Sylvester Stallone

2012 starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover & Woody Harrelson

Posted on December 4, 2010 Written by ripitup

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2012 starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover & Woody Harrelson
2012 starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover & Woody Harrelson. Directed and co-written by Roland Emmerich. 2009.

The Mayans were right after all…2009. Scientists run across some scary figures that can be bad news. They try to find another explanation other than the most obvious and terrifying one: the world is coming to an end.

These results are shared with world leaders and some very rich men. Only a selected number of people will live through the disaster and unless you are really important, you don’t stand a chance: In the name of preventing anarchy, the bad news is kept from the public until the last minute (with the insistence of Oliver Platt’s character Anheuser).

Enter Jackson (John Cusack), a published but not exactly financially successful author. He is divorced with two young kids, who live with his ex-wife Kate (Amanda Peet) and her boyfriend Gordon (Thomas McCarthy).When he takes his kids to camping, Jackson realizes something is way off and they run into military officials. Then he meets a nutty blogger/podcaster/radio DJ Charlie (Woody Harrelson) who lives in a caravan at the national park and is sharing his conspiracy theories about the world’s end. Jackson at first dismisses his wild assumptions but shattering earthquakes convince him that Charlie may not be so nutty after all.

From then on, the world really starts falling apart. Jackson takes his family & Gordon and he drives them to the small plane he has rented, with the city literally coming down on them. They find the pilot dead so they rely on Gordon’ flying lessons to survive. Jackson decides to see Charlie one more time, since he had every theory right so far and he was talking about the “spaceships” the government was building.

The movie continues to get faster with bigger adventures and effects, with disaster following the family in the air, on the ground and more… Can anyone really make it alive? Will the “spaceships” work?

Now, I have to say 2012 turned out to be better than I was expecting. OK, I am not talking about the script. It is full of your typical clichés, complete with heroic characters, doting family members and all that But Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day) is usually good at making the best of these clichés and providing great effects. I was bored early into the film but you just need to hang on for the first 25-30 minutes or so (the movie is about 158 minutes long).

So Roland has done it again- average story with impressive effects, typically likeable characters, an insane theory and lots of human vs. nature action. I had a lot of fun. Now, if the world was really coming to an end, would I recommend this movie? Probably not. But then again, despite being a total movie nut, I wouldn’t recommend any movie in that scenario. Hey, if we had 1 year left to live, we would go out to live life to the fullest and not watch film. Especially not by Emmerich.

5.9 on IMDB. I don’t have an overall verdict. Instead:

5 – for the story (it is as average as it gets).

6.5 – for the cast (Danny Glover, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Woody Harrelson)

8- for the effects.

Enjoy.

Roland Emmerich Movies

The Day After Tomorrow starring Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal and Sela Ward,

The Patriot starring Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger

Independence Day starring Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith

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Filed Under: Movies and Actors Tagged With: 2012, 2012 movie, action, adventure, Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, disaster movies, drama, john cusack, movies, Oliver Platt, roland emmerich, thandie newton, Thomas McCarthy, woody harrelson

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